Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
