I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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