so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
