fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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