so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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