sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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