halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
