Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
