I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
