this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
