Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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