if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
