I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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