I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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