I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
