I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
