why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
