I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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