Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
