Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
