neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
