an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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