A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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