And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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