I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
