First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
