You're a womanizer and a bitch.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
