U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Text me some of your sweat
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