her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
high people should be assigned attendants
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
