idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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