Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
