you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
