Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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