Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
