careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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