Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
