I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
