ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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