***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
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