We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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