Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
