I hate your face
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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