it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I touched a dick in church today
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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