You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
