You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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