I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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