dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We talked him into tasing himself.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Two words: blizzard sex
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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