he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A+ Viking dick
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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