eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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