So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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