I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
