I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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