the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
