babies were throwing up all over the place
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
