just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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