Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
