i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
