You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
