i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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