no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
