p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
