"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
