we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
