well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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