I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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