i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
