I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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