I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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