Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
why didn't you poke me back
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
