Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
