Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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