Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
