I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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