So drunk its hurt
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Green mimosas i think yes
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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