i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
