hell yes lets make some ravioli
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize