found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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