He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
