We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Im part way to drunk.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
