I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
