Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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