I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
