Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
handjob tips. give me some.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
