he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
