someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
