Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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